It's been
six months since we moved out of Brooklyn to our new town. I haven't really been writing about it lately because I kept coming to the same conclusion: Hey! It's a mixed bag! Sometimes I like it! Sometimes I don't! Snoooore. But now at the six month mark I finally feel a little more settled and relaxed. I think I am ready for a little reflection. How 'bout you?
Having our own house is everything that I thought it might be
and better. Of course we have already experienced some of the downside to home ownership but I am
surprised by how little it bothers me when the upside is (honestly) a
dream come true. And funnily enough it was a dream that I didn't even know I had. Owning a decent apartment, let alone a house, was so out of reach, so far into the realm of ridiculousness in the city that anytime I mentally went there ("... someday we'll buy a brownstone...") the gates of reality would slam shut in my brain and I wouldn't even entertain them. My dream became finding a good, affordable apartment to rent. With a washer and dryer. And maybe shared outdoor space as a bonus. That was it. That's all I allowed myself. When we finally made the mental shift and decided to include leaving the city as a possibility suddenly I started to dream a little bigger. And here we are in the cutest little house with all the trimmings. I am so happy to have it and feel so incredibly lucky.
Making friends is on pace, I guess. At this point people that we've had nice interactions with are starting to become friends. I am not as anxious about that part as I was. I can see now that we are going to have friends here, maybe even good ones. This town has much of our ilk, those who have left the city (many our neighborhood in the city) and have kids. It's been relatively easy to meet people, although not without heartache because I am such a dork about it. Missing friends in the city had been one of the hardest parts of moving but so far my worst fears have not been realized. It's pretty much like we just moved to another, slightly less accessible borough. (Being on a Metro-North line is key, I am finding). Honestly, if we had moved to Queens we'd probably be seeing everyone just as much. Of course I still miss our friends, sometimes poignantly so, but the separation is just not as drastic as I thought it was going to be.
The thing that I least expected was to be so blown away and invigorated by the natural beauty of our new area. Although I had been here many times and had admired the scenery, it is different when you are here every day and you get to observe all the nuances. Autumn just about killed me. It was amazing. And the bird watching in my own backyard is tops! You would not believe what is just hanging around. And watching Lowell discover bugs and birds and tomatoes that grow in the yard is such a blast. I have always been a nature lover but my many, many urban years made me forget how stimulating and energizing it is. I always assumed that I needed the city environment for that kind of buzz. It's been a nice surprise.
I am not missing the city hassles. It's been easy to find reasonable childcare here. I like having a car when I shop for groceries. I love my backyard to utter pieces. I even like the quiet. There, I said it. Sometimes I miss the density of the city. You know, the hubbub, the anonymity. But not as much as I did in the first months. I am getting used to this new pace.
The first six weeks or so I think I cried practically everyday. I was miserable. I didn't write about it that much, just here and there, because it was so bloody depressing. I think that I was mourning many things, not just leaving the city. I think I was mourning my old self, my life before getting married, before having a baby, as well as all the things that I had always dreamed I might accomplish on the bigger stage of the city. I was mourning even the change to New York itself. After September 11th it was a different place for me. I tried to deny this, but there was a baseline anxiety that was always with me, 24 hours a day. After Lowell came along that anxiety got worse. So I guess I was mourning the person that I'll never be again, in a city that will never be the same to me again. All of these changes happened way before we started looking at real estate, but I think that the drastic shift of the move threw everything into high relief. I needed a lot of tears to process it all.
I am relieved that the hardest part is over. I am happy to be here and I am feeling pretty positive about the move these days. I am sure that I will continue to miss the city but, you know, that's what Target is for. Thanks for listening to this. I appreciate all of you guys coming along on this ride with me.